Love is the most important thing in my life. I'm extremely loyal to my family and friends. I cherish time with my loved ones. But nothing beats my relationship with my man! I treasure cuddles, intimacy (emotional, physical, and intellectual), commitment, having a best friend who knows and accepts everything about me, romance, and every gorgeous thing that goes along with a healthy romantic relationship. I don't know a woman who does not want this in her life. I would chance saying that every sane woman wants a good man.
Something ominous is happening though. There aren't as many men! They're disappearing. Like aliens are snatching them up from the sky. What's weird is there are a lot of "boys" around now. And they're kind of old. Like late 20's and 30's. There's even some in their 40's! And they live with their parents. With no job.
There's a shortage of men! What's the deal?
Funny man, Steve Harvey, wrote a well known relationship book turned movie, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. In it, he says that every man is defined by "his title (who he is), how he gets that title (what he does), and the reward he gets for putting in all that effort (how much he makes)". These three things make up the basic DNA of manhood.
1. The three things a man needs in his life before he can commit to a woman fully.
Mr. Harvey says these are the three accomplishments every man must achieve before he feels like he's truly fulfilled his destiny as a man. And he tells us women that until a guy has achieved his goals in those three areas, the man you're dating, committed to, or married to will be too busy and distracted to focus on you.
He goes on to say in his book that a man's "focus has always been on, and will remain on, who he is, what he does, and how much he makes until he feels like he's achieved his mission. And until a man does these things, women only fit into the cracks of his life. He's not thinking about settling down, having children, or building a home with anyone until he's got all three of those things in sync. I'm not saying that he has had to have made it, but at least he has to be on track to making it."1
I don't know if Mr. Harvey is an expert or not, but what I do know is that his book made the New York Times Bestseller List AND he's a man. Plus, in my experience, most of my friends' experiences, and the opinions of other relationship experts - what he says happens to be true.
2. The opportunities for guys to achieve the three things that make them relationship ready are diminishing.
So guess what happens when the government's interference keeps worsening the economy so much that your man can't get a job or keep his business running? "That affects his mood...if this is on his mind, and he [can't line] up the who he is, the what he does, and the how much he makes in the way that he sees fit, he can't possibly be to you what he wants to be. Which means that you can't really have the man you want. He can't sit around talking with you, or dream about marriage and family, if his mind is on how to make money, how to get a better position, how to be the kind of man he needs to be for you."2
There are a couple things you've probably never thought of that you need to pay attention to.
- The economy and the job market.
- Is it getting worse? How is that going to affect all those men out there and their ability to provide and feel good about themselves?
- In this economy can they achieve the three things they need to be men to be able to give properly in a relationship?
- The culture of men and women nowadays is an attributing factor to less committed relationships.
"The [current] data does not bode well for men. In 1950, 5% of men at the prime working age were unemployed. As of last year, 20% were not working, the highest ever recorded."3
3. We have a real problem with our young men and that they are lagging way behind.
Vast numbers of them don't want to go to college, don't want to pursue careers, don't want to get married and don't want to take on any serious responsibilities. Of course there are always exceptions. But the overall trends all point to the fact that our system has raised up a crop of young men that are generally weak, directionless, wimpified and unwilling to take responsibility." 4 I've heard too many young women asking, "Where are the decent single men?"
For the first time in U.S. history, women have become the majority of the workforce. "Today, there are millions of young men that are sitting around with no job, no hope, and no direction in life."4 They are definitely not in a position to attract a woman or even be concerned about attracting a woman, wanting a family, or thinking about anyone else's needs besides their own.
"The wreckage of the Great Recession [saw] that three-quarters of the 8 million jobs lost were lost by men. The worst-hit industries were overwhelmingly male and deeply identified with macho: construction, manufacturing, high finance. Some of these jobs will come back, but the overall pattern of dislocation is neither temporary nor random." 5 "Men [are] casualties of the end of the manufacturing era. Since 2000, manufacturing has lost almost 6 million jobs." 5
Most manufacturing jobs have gone overseas. Why? Because the United States' government seems to have declared war on American employment and prosperity. Manufacturing - the fact that America used to make the majority of the products that the world bought - was one of the biggest reasons for our low unemployment, high standard of living and huge economic growth.
Historically, our businesses were able to create this prosperity because of freedom, free markets, capitalism, low to no government interference, and low taxes. In the last few decades, our government's excessive regulations (state and federal), fees, and taxes are creating unfriendly business environments and motivating businesses to move overseas. Taking the jobs with them.
Businesses are voting with their re-locations. They are moving away from America where they are punished for taking risks and creating productivity and jobs. It's hard enough to start, run, and maintain a business. To have a group of people calling themselves "government" getting in the way of your economic growth with their taxes and onerous regulations is not only a nuisance, but the reason we have a declining number of start up companies in the last four decades.
4. Businesses create jobs and our government is declaring war against businesses, and in turn, jobs for our men.
Businesses create jobs. That's it. They are the only job makers in existence.
Monetary and regulatory policies coming out of D.C. are driving businesses out of the country in droves and causing them to seek friendlier business environments. Which sucks for us. Because businesses are the only things in the world that creates jobs that add value to our economy. And we want jobs! Here! In America!
But wait! There are so many government workers that have jobs, you say!?
A job is not a job is not a job. There are different kinds of jobs.
5. Government does not create economically valuable jobs. Businesses do.
Businesses are the most valuable entities in our economy. They are the reasons for any nation's economic growth. To spit on them, mock them, chastise them (unless they are doing criminal activity) is basically spitting, mocking, and blocking any prosperity we hope to have as individuals or as a nation.
Most people don't realize that when a government (ours is presently Obama's administration) promises jobs, it's a false promise. Governments can't create jobs that add to the economy and bring more value. It is not within their power. They might be able to add government jobs into the system, but government jobs don't grow a nation's economy. It just transfers money from private citizens' bank accounts (in the form of taxes) into government workers' accounts. This doesn't grow America. It doesn't add value to our economy.
Our government, as well as other governments around the world, like to think they are in control and have the power to create jobs. The truth is they don't, but so many buy into the lie that they do. Most governments, including ours, are just made up of people, most of whom have never even been in business. They create laws based on theories from their ivory tower or, even worse, based on which companies bribe (er, lobby) them the most.
The only way they truly contribute to economic growth is by leaving most businesses alone and just provide protection of property and contracts. There are unintended consequences for all this government meddling, and our relationships and families are paying the price. Our government is killing good private sector, full time jobs with their policies and patting themselves on the back for replacing them with crappy, part time, temporary jobs.
In order to pay government workers, government must redistribute money from people in the private sector to people working in the public sector (government). Government employees can only get their pay from private businesses' jobs. Without people in the private sector working and paying their taxes, government wouldn't exist. Private businesses fund the government.
Government jobs are not economically viable jobs that build products or add value to the system. So what happens when there aren't enough private sector jobs to pay all the government workers?? Well, we're skipping down that yellow brick road right now, and fast. Our destination? Debt Ville. And Unemployment Town.
In the movie, Schindler's List, the Nazis responded to Schindler's need to produce and run his business. He got away with things, like keeping certain Jews in his business, that others couldn't get away with. The reason being that the government still recognized the fact that their country needed business to run to bring in economic growth. Societies cannot exist without an economy and economies don't exist without businesses.
If Schindler had appealed to the Nazis on any kind of moral ground to save the Jews, his appeals would have landed on deaf ears. But for business reasons, they let him save Jews. I hate to say it, but business reasons often trump moral reasons. Businesses are vital to a successful economy. They are the lifeblood of a nation.
Government wants to think they create jobs. They attempt to do so by manipulating and controlling markets and industries with regulations, price ceilings, minimum wages, taxpayer money given to some companies that they decide on, etc...They are never successful.
It's like trying to manipulate and control a forest. To get every creature, plant, organism, and activity in the forest to align and balance on your terms...man just doesn't have the capacity to do that. That's up to God and nature. Same with our economy. Our economy is defined by all of our individual buy and sell actions and every step of production of every product in existence. When people in government try to control this, they just end up burning the whole forest down to the ground.
For example, if the government decides they want to give taxpayer money to a company that is failing (this happens a lot, Solyndra anyone?) this is a terrible decision for many reasons.
- That company is failing for a reason. They were not successful and should shut down.
- The government is giving our money, that could be spent in better and more fruitful ways, to a company that has a fail record.
- Honestly, who do the people in government think they are? A company going under is the sum result of a billion different decisions from all the people in our entire economy. Why do people in government think they know better than Nature's design? And then hand out money that isn't even theirs! It's ours! Our government shouldn't be using our money to invest in private companies of their choosing.
- Using Solyndra as an example, all Solyndra's employees lost their jobs anyway. And the taxpayer money that was spent on Solyndra, if kept by the taxpayers, would have been used elsewhere in the economy that would most likely have helped the economy.
6. Boys to Boys instead of Boys to Men
When there are no jobs, people lose hope. With no hope, boys don't ever become men. According to new research, America is producing a generation of 'lost boys'. Young men lacking the ambition to start their careers. Instead they are dropping out of college and end up languishing in their parents' basements surfing the internet, looking at porn, and playing video games.
Not quite what the savvy, successful, modern girl is looking for in a man. The number of women in college is now far greater than that of men, too. About 60% women to 40% men. And more highly-educated individuals tend to marry other more highly-educated individuals. Well, if there are way more women in college, you do the math. There are going to be a lot of amazing, smart women left standing alone with no options for a compatible man. Most men will be outside of the marrying market.
I'm proud of our ladies for stepping up, going to college, being highly motivated, and earning great livings. But we still need a balance in our society of both genders working and contributing to the economy and to each other. Women still want strong partners, romance in their lives, and someone to build a family with. We're not robots. There are not enough jobs in America right now for both genders, but especially for men.
So how do we get our boys into the employment game so we can have our MEN back?
This can only be rectified by more private businesses starting, staying, and growing in America. That can only happen if our government relinquishes its grip of power and gives the power back to the American people, including the entrepreneurs. How? Politicians must remove their oppressive regulations, red tape, and tax laws, and allow all businesses to thrive here. Not just the ones who fund their campaigns and they owe favors to. We're not Nazi Germany, for goodness sake! We are driving many companies overseas now and forcing smaller businesses who can't afford all the fees and regulations to shut down if they can't go overseas. This was never part of the American dream.
There's another level to this problem. Children!
Countries like Singapore and Japan are suffering from low birth rates because there are not many marriages amongst their young people nowadays. As people age in those societies there will not be enough young people in existence, much less in the work force, to build, produce, create and take care of those populations. Productive, young people are important in society. And if less people are getting married and having families nowadays, we will have a serious shortage of young productive people in the next generation.
7. Our men need jobs to fulfill their masculine energy and provide the emotional, mental, and financial support that women desire from them.
Don't let government mess with your love life!
Vote for representatives who are truly business friendly. You can tell if they advocate for more freedom and less government interference. Having intrusive, over reaching government hinders our businesses instead of helping. And it doesn't help consumers the way they claim it helps us. Taxes and regulations make it more expensive to run a business and they have to pass that expense down to the consumer and their employees. So it always makes it more expensive for us as consumers and we tend to lose choice because some businesses can never get off the ground. And as employees, there are less jobs available.
There is no business in the world that is helped by government interference, unless that business is getting favors and money from government. But that's just crony capitalism. We certainly don't want government picking and choosing which companies it wants to help with laws and our tax money. It hurts consumers to have government sticking their noses in businesses and giving out cherry picked favors to their favorites.
What's our dream scenario? Our federal government should stick to the duties that are outlined to them in the Constitution. And nothing else. They should not use private taxpayer money to bail out car companies, bail out banks, control healthcare, control the housing markets, etc. They should leave the business of business to men (and women, of course). We need to demand this of them.
Other sociological and cultural factors play into this failure to launch syndrome for modern day guys which we'll discuss in another post. But there is no doubt that our government's damaging monetary and economic policies are affecting all of us negatively. And they're killing our men's jobs. Which is killing our relationships.
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1. Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, by Steve Harvey, pg. 13
2. Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, by Steve Harvey, pg. 16